A Story of Weight Loss...and Gain...and Loss...and Gain
Since I was six years old, I've been in a love/hate relationship with food. My parents, both of whom also had their own struggles with weight, put me on a diet. I'm not sure if it was really a diet per se, but I distinctly remember in first grade that all the other kids would have Little Debbie's for snacks and I would have an apple.
In high school I was a healthy size 10, but because most of my peers were in 2's or 4's or 6's, I always felt fat. I would feel guilty if I went for the dessert because I can hear my mother saying, "Do you need that?" or "A minute on the lips, forever on the hips." I have of course forgiven mom for saying that. She was only going off of what she'd been taught as a kid.
And then college happened and all thoughts of weight went out the window. Not only did I gain the Freshmen Fifteen, but I doubled that and gained thirty. Throughout college I tried to get to the gym, but because I was so involved in theatre, I never made it a huge priority and maybe worked out about three times a year.
Many years later, I was 30 and weighed in at 235lbs. It had literally happened overnight or so it felt to me. I used food to comfort me, to celebrate, to mourn, really for anything. Food wasn't just for eating, it was my life.
In 2009, I decided to make a change for good and hired a personal trainer. Through her and later on another trainer, I lost 75lbs. I was in a size 10 for the first time since high school. I wore a Medium size shirt and loved shopping for clothes because I didn't have to go to Lane Bryant or the Plus size department.
In 2010, I started seminary up in Boston and for the first year, I was able to keep off the weight. And then in 2011, I slowly began to form those old habits. Stress eating has always been my weakness and school combined with raising support to go over to Germany on the mission field only added to that.
While in Germany, I would swing back and forth from hardcore workouts and eating healthy to completely swinging the other way and gorging on all of the potatoes and cheese presented to me. I started dating someone seriously in 2014 and soon the weight didn't matter to me because someone wanted me for me....but this didn't last and when the break up happened in 2015, I plummeted.
Actually, I lost 20lbs within two months right away. But soon stress took over because I was looking for a job and gave up on healthy eating.
Ok, I'm not going to bore you with every single detail, so let's fast forward to the present. It's 2017 and I'm back with a trainer. I have an awesome job that allows me to do what I love. But, it's been hard. I can't see my trainer as often as I'd like because I teach and direct theatre. I try to eat healthy but more often than not, I'm giving into easy temptation i.e. "I'm too tired to cook. I'm just going to stop and pick up something."
But I'll be 40 in a year and a half and I'm tired of this constant battle of bouncing back and forth. I need accountability. I need to document what I'm eating and be honest about it with myself and my friends.
So....here we go. Vulnerable and honest. And hopefully sometimes humorous ;)
In high school I was a healthy size 10, but because most of my peers were in 2's or 4's or 6's, I always felt fat. I would feel guilty if I went for the dessert because I can hear my mother saying, "Do you need that?" or "A minute on the lips, forever on the hips." I have of course forgiven mom for saying that. She was only going off of what she'd been taught as a kid.
And then college happened and all thoughts of weight went out the window. Not only did I gain the Freshmen Fifteen, but I doubled that and gained thirty. Throughout college I tried to get to the gym, but because I was so involved in theatre, I never made it a huge priority and maybe worked out about three times a year.
Many years later, I was 30 and weighed in at 235lbs. It had literally happened overnight or so it felt to me. I used food to comfort me, to celebrate, to mourn, really for anything. Food wasn't just for eating, it was my life.
In 2009, I decided to make a change for good and hired a personal trainer. Through her and later on another trainer, I lost 75lbs. I was in a size 10 for the first time since high school. I wore a Medium size shirt and loved shopping for clothes because I didn't have to go to Lane Bryant or the Plus size department.
In 2010, I started seminary up in Boston and for the first year, I was able to keep off the weight. And then in 2011, I slowly began to form those old habits. Stress eating has always been my weakness and school combined with raising support to go over to Germany on the mission field only added to that.
While in Germany, I would swing back and forth from hardcore workouts and eating healthy to completely swinging the other way and gorging on all of the potatoes and cheese presented to me. I started dating someone seriously in 2014 and soon the weight didn't matter to me because someone wanted me for me....but this didn't last and when the break up happened in 2015, I plummeted.
Actually, I lost 20lbs within two months right away. But soon stress took over because I was looking for a job and gave up on healthy eating.
Ok, I'm not going to bore you with every single detail, so let's fast forward to the present. It's 2017 and I'm back with a trainer. I have an awesome job that allows me to do what I love. But, it's been hard. I can't see my trainer as often as I'd like because I teach and direct theatre. I try to eat healthy but more often than not, I'm giving into easy temptation i.e. "I'm too tired to cook. I'm just going to stop and pick up something."
But I'll be 40 in a year and a half and I'm tired of this constant battle of bouncing back and forth. I need accountability. I need to document what I'm eating and be honest about it with myself and my friends.
So....here we go. Vulnerable and honest. And hopefully sometimes humorous ;)
Wow thank you for being so honest and vulnerable about this! Will be reading as you go about your journey! This is your time!
ReplyDeleteTHanks so much, Laura!!! You are such an encourager!
Deletethank you for opening up! it will help us all ... <3 praying for you lady :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Caroline!!! I so appreciate you taking the time to read this!
DeleteI'd love to join in on your journey. I can definitely identify with aspects of your relationship with food and will be praying we can find freedom! Love you!
ReplyDelete